TWHS#096: The Five Ways Great Leaders Build Trust

I got asked by a customer to deliver a Leadership 101 program to them.  I pulled together a my initial thoughts then got the phone to my old buddy Ben Caird to get his perspective.  He had some great thoughts, so we recorded an episode for the Tech World Human Skills on it. 

We both thought building trust was one of the foundational skills of good leadership.   We'd read "The Servant Leader" by James Autry years back, and it's stuck with us. The book talks about "five ways of being" as a leader that build real trust. Not the fluffy, soft, rainbows and no results  kind. The kind that lets you drive great results whilst building sustainable, high-performing teams.

So we hung some thoughts on the 5 Ways of Being.

Be Authentic

This means working in line with your values. Sounds simple. It's not.

As Ben put it, authenticity increases as you get more comfortable in your own skin. You pick up things from leaders you admire, but you've got to work out what authentically fits you and what you need to put to one side.

The people Ben worked with over the last decade would see the same person inside and outside of work. Maybe slightly different language, slightly different humour, but fundamentally the same human.

And here's the hard bit - being authentic when you're doing performance management or having difficult conversations. It's not about being their best friend forever. Ben compared it to being a parent: "It's not about being their best mate, it's about being their dad."

You need to be direct and open, but with that foundation of trust. Don't hide behind "I've heard this" or "it's not me saying it." Own it. Say "I think this because of that."

Be Vulnerable

Lead with your mistakes. Make it safe for people to get things wrong.

Ben had a direct report who would challenge him in meetings in front of the whole team. Some of the other leaders suggested he handle it differently. Ben's response? "I consider him my mirror because he makes it safe for everyone to challenge me."

When projects don't work out, be the first to say it. "Look, we tried this. We're broadly in the right direction. But we need to make these changes. That's on me. Let's pivot and go."

If you create a space where failure is okay, and you're happy to model that yourself, your team will try things. They'll innovate. They'll take the risks that move things forward.

Be Accepting

This doesn't mean accepting low standards. It means accepting different ways of achieving outcomes.

When you transition from contributor to manager, it's easy to want everyone to operate exactly like you do. Because you were probably very good at it. So you think your way is the right way, and your standard is THE standard.

That's the trap.

Delegate outcomes, not activities. Coach people to improve their performance in their style, not yours.

As Ben said, there's diversity in how we work and how we get stuff done. If you hire a team of people just like you, all your strengths get magnified, but so do all your blind spots.

Ben saw this once - a leader who built a team that was just like them. You could see it playing out. The things they were brilliant at, the team was brilliant at. But their weaknesses and blind spots were replicated through the whole team, which made it weak and brittle.

Be Present

Put your phone down. Actually listen.

Ben shared two stories that stuck with him. One boss scrolled through their phone constantly during one-to-ones. Another time, he was in a performance appraisal - a 45 minute meeting - and halfway through his manager said "sorry, I need to go to the toilet." They'd clearly needed to go for the first 30 minutes but hadn't.

When they came back, they said "right, I can concentrate now."

These moments shape how people see you. In every interaction, you either give energy or drain it.

Be Useful

This is a tricky one. When you're an individual contributor, being useful is doing the thing. When you become a manager, you stop doing the thing. And that can feel awful.

So what do new managers do? They keep doing the work. They take all the actions in one-to-ones. They become the bottleneck.

Being useful as a leader means adding value with and through people, not doing their work.

For star performers, run ahead and open doors. Understand their career path. Use your network to get them conversations with the right people. Connect them with role models for competencies they want to develop.

For everyone, focus on building two things: confidence and awareness. If someone can't see their blind spot, build awareness. If they're good but don't believe it, build confidence.

Ben shared a great example. He spent a day with a technical legend building a business plan. First half of the day, Ben held the pen. He put structure on the board, guided the conversation.

After lunch, he gave the pen over.

That's where the magic happened. The plan got better than Ben could have imagined. And the person who'd actually deliver it owned it completely.

Know when to hold the pen. Know when to hand it over.

The Balance

Here's what Ben was direct about: none of this works without results. Leadership isn't about creating fluffy environments where people feel nice. It's about knowing what's going on, knowing your people, and knowing what results need to happen.

You've got to balance it all. Sometimes you need to dig in hard. Sometimes you need to get out of the way. The art is knowing which moment requires which approach.

It's not "my way or the highway." But it's also not "change by committee" where nothing ever gets done.

As Ben's mate said after getting a new boss who never asked his opinion: "I didn't realize 'What do you think?' was such a powerful and empowering question until no-one asked it anymore."

So be authentic, be vulnerable, be accepting, be present, and be useful. That's how you build trust AND deliver results.

Hope this helps.

BenP

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Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:

• Leaders In Tech: Raise the impact of your team.  Make them more influential, memorable and successful with customers everyday.  The Technical Storytelling Professional Program enables them to create clarity, generate energy and drive the results you need.
• Individuals: Accelerate your career and build your reputation.  Develop the skills to help you present,  influence and explain in the tech world.  Check out the Technical Storytelling Essentials or Tech Community Speaker courses.
• Tech World Human Skills Podcast:  The latest episode is "Leadership 101 - Building Trust" with Ben Caird. Check it out on the Elevated You website,  Apple, Spotify, YouTube or Amazon Podcasts.